


Lost In My Own Head

by NervousAliceCurious



Category: Escape the Night Fanon, Hunger Games Series
Genre: Cannon Shots, Dark Thoughts, Gen, I Don't Want To Kill Anybody, Just Trying To Live!, Loss, Mental Anguish, Reluctant Tribute, Writing A Diary For Posterity Reasons, the hunger games - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-29 02:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19820425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NervousAliceCurious/pseuds/NervousAliceCurious
Summary: NervousAliceCurious is in the Hunger Games. She is in no way prepared for the cost.TRIGGER WARNINGS: Suicidal Thoughts, Self-Harm, Death, Graphic Depictions of Violence.All Credit goes to AquaEclipse for the BrantSteele Hunger Games Author/Fanon simulation.





	Lost In My Own Head

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AquaEclipse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AquaEclipse/gifts).



> For AquaEclipse, who created this whole thing with the BrantSteele Hunger Games Simulator!!
> 
> All credit goes to her, I'm just writing this for the heck of it.

Dear diary…

I can’t believe I’m writing THIS right off the bat:

I lost a friend today.

Standing in the arena, we had just locked eyes.

He looked so confused…

He was about to call out to me, I’m sure of it!

And then he was gone.

Swallowed up by an explosion.

It was impossible to miss him among the dead…

I must’ve stood there for, like…

A thousand hours.

Just…hoping that he would wake up!

But he didn’t.

He didn’t even _move_.

I wanted to cry, but I didn’t have time.

So I ran away instead.

Now I’m sitting here in broad daylight wondering how in the heck I’m supposed to get through this if even he couldn’t.

Mid-Day, Day 1

Hey diary…

~~I can't stop crying.~~

I haven’t seen anyone.

~~I just can't get over it.~~

It’s only me out here.

~~I hope nobody comes by.~~

I don’t know whether to be happy or freaked out.

~~I'm freaked out, I'm freaked out-~~

I don’t even know what I’m doing here!

~~That's a lie.~~

When they listed the tribute for my hometown, they picked my brother.

Did you know that!?

He’s not even an _adult_ yet!

So, like an idiot, I spoke up.

At first, they thought I was nuts.

But they let me in anyway…

I guess they wanted to see what would happen if a total wreck managed to actually do something.

Am I crazy?

For wanting to protect people like that!?

...

For caring so much?

…

It’s only the first day.

I can’t last ‘till the end, are _you_ crazy!?

...

I must be out of my mind.

~~I _know_ I am.~~

***6 Cannon shots***

(-That’s it.

He’s _really_ lost to me…)

Night 1

I was nervous, diary.

I really was.

Dawn, Bronwyn, Aqua, and Tegan had this nice little camp set up, and I knew they were all from AO3, and I knew that I shouldn’tve been scared-

But.

I just.

Couldn’t shake the feeling that this was too good to be true.

They had to practically yank me over there.

Roasted bird from somebody was nice, though…

And then they said they wanted to do shifts.

I almost panicked on the spot!

My mouth was pretty much frozen while they set out the order, and I was next-to-last.

Nothing happened, thankfully…

It was super-cold, however.

...I’d take the cold anyday over kill-or-be-killed.

Day 2

I caught a glimpse of Angel, diary.

I barely got the ‘Hey-‘ out of my lips before she’d up and ran off.

…I mean.

I can’t fault her for running, but…

Kind-of hurts.

Day 2, Mid-Day

***3 Cannon Shots***

Three more murdered…

Night 2

I wanted to die.

Did you know that, diary?

I heard someone digging around nearby, and it turned out of be Alina.

So I came out of the Shadows, and asked her to kill me.

I don’t get why she wouldn’t do it.

I just don’t get it.

Instead, she just grabbed my shoulders, and told me to get a grip.

My friends would want me to stay alive.

And then she just walked away.

Shaking.

Day 3

I grabbed a bunch of leaves, and broke off a thousand branches or so to create some camo in the bushes.

It was hard to do with bare hands, but every cut I got reminded me that somehow, I was still here.

Rather than trapped in some horrible nightmare…

I know I should be worried about this, diary, but I’m not.

Who can spare the energy!?

Mid-Day, Day 3

The sky crackled out of nowhere with dark thunder and lightning.

…I don’t want to believe that it.

That Mystic just died.

But why else would the weather be snapping so suddenly?

It can’t be a random storm…

Or could it?

***2 Cannon shots***

Night 3

The sharpest parts of my thoughts are all coming to the surface at once.

I have to keep humming songs in my head in order to keep it at bay.

Or else…

Never mind.

Day 4

How did I get roped into this, dear diary!?

Nic, Tegan, ETN, and Cinnaroll told me that they were going to go out hunting for the other tributes.

-And then they brought me along for the ride!

(I sincerely hope we don’t find anyone!!)

Mid-Day, Day 4

***2 Cannon shots***

We never did find anyone.

Night 4

I sneezed earlier on…

Is someone talking about me?

-Aside from that, somebody left a medical kit out here.

No idea who.

Why would they root for me?

I’ve got nothing but sheer luck, it would seem…

Day 5

I know.

_I know!_

I _know_ I shouldn’tve done it.

But there was a scalpel, and there was my arm…

I just wanted the endlessness to **stop**.

…

It didn’t kill me anyway…

One slit, and I heard **no**.

Mid-Day, Day 5

I bandaged it up.

***1 Cannon shot***

I don’t even know how many are left, now.

I don’t even care.

Night 5

_I’m so sorry, I’m SO sorry…!_

I know.

‘Day’ 6

Can you understand this?

Wherever you are in the world, dear diary…

I was writing, and Tegan came along.

She was like, ‘Watcha writing?’, and I was like, ‘It’s a sanity thing’.

She was like, ‘Oh valid!’ and I was like, ‘Yeah…’

Because I didn’t really want to tell her about what else I had been up to…

For obvious reasons.

She was like, ‘! Is that a bandage-!?’ and I was like.

-Ow

She was leaning over my shoulder.

And I was staring at the sickle embedded in my chest.

Hey.

If you’ve got it, I don’t blame you…

It just slipped, right?

I fell asleep.

I was SO tired...

And that was it.

I won’t let you say it was anything else!!

Because it wasn’t.

-Just looked up now.

And there he is.

I’m coming-

Don’t worry.

I’ll _never_ leave you behind again.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Goodbye and Good Night](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19831351) by [AquaEclipse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AquaEclipse/pseuds/AquaEclipse)




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